Beyond Ancestors: The Importance of Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha

Namaste,

Ancient Banyan tree, a Vata Vriksha, standing tall and majestic for centuries. Its roots spread deep and wide, unseen beneath the earth – these are our ancestors, our Pitrs. They are the hidden foundation, drawing sustenance from the soil of time, providing stability and nourishment for the entire lineage. The sturdy trunk, the visible branches laden with leaves, flowers, and fruit – these are our living elders and ourselves, the current generation, the visible manifestations of that ancient lineage. During Pitrupaksha, we make special efforts to tend to those unseen roots, offering them our love, gratitude, and subtle nourishment. But can the roots truly flourish, can they effectively receive our offerings, if the trunk is uncared for, if the branches are disrespected or damaged? Nay, my children, the health and vitality of the entire tree, the seen and the unseen, are inextricably interconnected.

Beyond Ancestors: The Importance of Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha

So too, is our lineage, our kula parampara. Our living elders – our parents, grandparents, and other senior members of the family – are the most immediate, visible conduits of ancestral blessings. They are the present representatives of the very lineage we seek to honor and propitiate. Therefore, to actively focus on Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha is to acknowledge and honor this sacred, unbroken continuity.

1. Elders as Living Embodiments of Ancestral Blessings

   Our living elders, particularly our parents and grandparents, are the closest physical links to our departed ancestors. The very blood of the Pitrs flows in their veins; their features might echo those of generations past. When you look into their eyes with reverence, you might catch a glimpse of the long line of ancestors who came before. By serving them, by bringing them joy and comfort, by listening to their words with respect, you are, in a very real and tangible sense, serving and bringing joy to the entire lineage. Their heartfelt blessings (aashirwad), uttered from a pleased and contented heart, are as potent, if not more so during this sacred period, as the blessings we seek from the departed Pitrs. Conversely, disrespecting them, causing them pain or anxiety, especially during a time dedicated to ancestral reverence, creates a discordant vibration, a spiritual dissonance, that can hinder the very blessings we seek from our Pitrs.
   The Skanda Purana, as you noted, highlights the father as a hundred times more venerable than an Acharya (teacher), and a mother a thousand times more venerable than a father in terms of honor and respect due to them. [Skanda Purana] If such is their exalted status, imagine the profound displeasure of the ancestors if these living embodiments of reverence are neglected, ill-treated, or made to feel sorrowful during the very period we are ostensibly honoring the lineage- 

2. Keepers of Wisdom and Precious Family Traditions (Kulachara evam Gyan Ke Rakshak):

   Pitrupaksha rituals are not merely about offering food and water mechanically. They are about performing these sacred rites with the correct procedure (vidhi), with the appropriate bhaav (sentiment and emotional sincerity), and often according to specific family customs (Kulachara or Kula Parampara) that have been passed down through generations. Who are the primary custodians of this invaluable knowledge? More often than not, it is our living elders. They have witnessed these rites being performed by their parents and grandparents. They often know the specific preferences of departed family members (what foods they liked, what acts of charity they valued), the unique stories and histories of the lineage, and the subtle nuances that make the Shraddha performed in your family unique and deeply personal.
   The Vamana Purana wisely counsels that “listening to the words of elders and bringing them into practice leads to success.” [Vamana Purana] During Pitrupaksha, their guidance on rituals, on what specific dishes to prepare for the Shraddha bhojan, whom to invite if Brahmin Bhojan is being performed, and how to conduct oneself with dignity and purity, is invaluable. To disrespect them or disregard their counsel during this time is to risk performing the rites incorrectly, thereby diminishing their efficacy and spiritual fruit. Thus, Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha is also about honoring the wisdom that ensures our offerings reach our ancestors in the most appropriate and pleasing manner- Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha

3. Cultivating the Right Bhaav (Emotional and Spiritual State) for Shraddha:

   Shraddha, as the name itself beautifully suggests, is an act performed with profound shraddha – faith, reverence, devotion, and sincerity. These sacred qualities are not like a lamp that can be switched on and off at will. They are cultivated through our daily conduct, our habitual way of being. If we are habitually disrespectful, argumentative, impatient, or neglectful towards our living elders, how can we suddenly manifest genuine, heartfelt reverence for our unseen ancestors?
   The seva (selfless service) and respect shown to parents and elders soften the heart, instilling humility (vinamrata), patience (dhairya), devotion (bhakti), and a sense of duty (kartavya paraayanata). These are the very qualities essential for performing Shraddha with a pure, focused, and receptive mind. The Linga Purana advises that “all elderly persons should be respected, and if one wishes for excellent Siddhi (spiritual attainment or power), one shall never break their behests.” [Linga Purana] The spiritual attainment sought during Pitrupaksha – the satisfactory completion of our ancestral duties and the reception of their blessings – is directly empowered and amplified by this attitude of profound respect towards the living elders- Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha

4. Ancestors Desire Virtuous, Dutiful, and Respectful Descendants (Sadaachari Santati Ki Kaamna):

   Our Pitrs do not merely seek offerings of food and water. More profoundly, they yearn for the continuation of a virtuous and thriving lineage. They desire descendants who uphold Dharma, who live lives of integrity, respect, kindness, and righteousness. The Skanda Purana poignantly mentions that “all Pitrs wish for a son (descendant) for their own purpose, because they say, ‘This son shall redeem us from the hell named Put’.” [Skanda Purana] This “redemption” is not just achieved through the performance of rituals, but significantly through the descendant living a life that brings honor, virtue, and good repute to the family name and lineage.
   Respect for elders is a cornerstone, a fundamental pillar, of a Dharmic life. When our ancestors, from their subtle realm, perceive that their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren are dutiful, deeply respectful towards their own parents and elders, and live harmoniously within the family, their hearts are filled with immense joy, peace, and satisfaction. This contentment of the Pitrs, arising from the virtuous conduct of their descendants, is arguably a far greater and more pleasing offering than any material Pinda. Conversely, a household filled with strife, where elders are dishonored, disregarded, or made to feel like a burden, causes great pain and sorrow to the ancestral spirits, potentially negating the benefits of any rituals performed.

5. The Immediate and Tangible Blessings of Living Elders (Pratyaksha Aashirwad):

   While the blessings of our departed Pitrs are subtle, profound, and work on deeper karmic levels, the blessings of our living elders are immediate, tangible, and can be experienced directly. A heartfelt “Jeete Raho, Beta/Beti” (May you live long, my child) or “Sada Sukhi Raho” (May you always be happy) uttered from the pleased heart of a parent or grandparent carries immense spiritual power and positive vibrations. These blessings create a protective shield (raksha kavach) around us and can significantly enhance the positive impact of the Shraddha rites we perform for the departed. Their joy, their peace of mind, their words of encouragement and approval – these are invaluable assets, especially during a spiritually charged period like Pitrupaksha.
   Think of it this way: if you wish to offer sacred water to the deep, unseen roots of a tree (our ancestors), it is profoundly wise and effective to first ensure that the soil around the visible trunk and main branches (our living elders) is also well-tended, moist, and nurtured with love and respect- Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha

6. Practical Participation, Guidance, and Sanctification of Rituals (Ritual Mein Sahabhagita Evam Pavitrata):

   Often, our elders, especially parents and grandparents, play a direct and active role in guiding or even participating in the Pitrupaksha rituals. They might instruct on the specific items to be procured, the family recipes for the Shraddha bhojan (sacred food), the correct order of the rites, the names of ancestors to be invoked, or share poignant stories and memories that make the remembrance more personal, heartfelt, and meaningful.
   Disrespecting them, arguing with them over procedures, or creating an atmosphere of tension and negativity can severely disrupt the sanctity and smooth conduct of these important ceremonies. Their comfort, peace of mind, and willing, joyful participation are crucial for the overall success of the rites. Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha ensures that the entire process is imbued with harmony, devotion, and positive spiritual energy- Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha

How to Express Respect for Elders During Pitrupaksha (and Always): Tangible Actions of Reverence

The Puranic texts you referred to, already beautifully outline the core principles of respectful conduct: obedience (vachan paalan), devotion (bhakti), service (seva), humility (vinamrata), honoring tradition, and speaking appropriately (priya vachan). Let us see how these timeless principles translate into tangible actions, especially during the sacred fortnight of Pitrupaksha:

• Vachan Paalan (Obedience and Heeding Their Sage Advice):

  • Listen attentively and respectfully to their instructions regarding family traditions and customs for Pitrupaksha.
  • Follow their guidance on rituals, food preparation, and personal conduct during this period, as long as it aligns with broader Dharmic principles. The Linga Purana’s advice to “never break their behests” when seeking spiritual excellence is particularly relevant here. [Linga Purana]
  • Avoid arguing, being dismissive of their experience and accumulated wisdom, or showing impatience-  Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha

• Seva (Selfless Service with Love and Dedication):

  • Ensure their physical comfort at all times. Are they seated comfortably? Do they need water, a shawl, or any other assistance?
  • Proactively help them with their daily chores and needs, especially if they are aged or infirm. This lightens their burden and allows them to focus on their own spiritual practices.
  • Offer them food and water with utmost respect and love, ideally before you partake yourself (a general principle of hospitality that gains even more significance when honoring elders during this period).
  • Paada Sevanam (gently massaging their feet), if they are amenable and it is part of your family custom, is a profound act of humility and service that draws immense blessings.

• Aadar-Satkaar (Showing Honor, Reverence, and Warm Hospitality):

  • Speak to them with soft, respectful, and loving language. Avoid harsh tones, impatient words, or raising your voice.
  • When they enter a room, make it a practice to stand up as a mark of respect, or at least offer them a comfortable seat. The Linga Purana mentions “standing up by way of welcome.” [Linga Purana]
  • Bow down to them (Pranaam or Charan Sparsh) in the mornings and before undertaking any important task, most certainly before commencing the Shraddha rites. The Brahma Purana mentions the merit of “bowing down to elderly persons.” [Brahma Purana]
  • Involve them in discussions about the Shraddha preparations; seek their opinions and make them feel valued and integral to the process- Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha

• Shravanam (Listening with Deep Respect and an Open Mind):

  • Encourage them to share stories of your ancestors – their lives, their virtues, their challenges, and their teachings. This is a beautiful and powerful way to connect with your lineage and keep their precious memories alive. This act of attentive, respectful listening is itself a profound form of ancestral reverence.
  • Listen to their advice on life matters, their experiences, and their perspectives, even if you feel you “know better.” Their life experience holds immeasurable wisdom that books cannot always provide.

• Manasik Shanti (Ensuring Their Peace of Mind and Emotional Well-being):

  • This is perhaps one of the most crucial aspects. Consciously avoid any actions, words, or discussions that might cause them anxiety, grief, anger, or distress, especially during the solemn and reflective period of Pitrupaksha.
  • Strive diligently to maintain a peaceful, harmonious, and loving atmosphere in the home. Arguments, discord, and negativity are like spiritual poison to the sanctity of this period.
  • Reassure them that you are performing the ancestral duties with sincerity, devotion, and to the very best of your ability, according to Shastric injunctions and family traditions.

• Seeking Their Blessings (Aashirwad Grahan Karna):

  • Actively and humbly seek their blessings before commencing and after completing the Shraddha rites. Their verbal and heartfelt blessings empower your efforts and sanctify your offerings.

• Involving Them in Daana (Acts of Charity):

  • If you are performing acts of charity (Daana) during Pitrupaksha (which is highly meritorious), involve your living elders in these acts. Ask for their suggestions on whom the Daana should be given, or better still, let them make the offering with their own hands if they are able. This brings them immense joy, a sense of purpose, and enhances the merit of the Daana manifold.

These, are not just actions to be performed mechanically during Pitrupaksha. They are the hallmarks of a cultured, refined, and Dharmic individual, principles to be woven into the very fabric of your being and practiced always. However, their observance during this specific fortnight, when the spiritual energies are intensely focused on lineage, remembrance, and reverence, takes on an amplified significance and power- Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha

The Seamless Connection: From Living Elders to Departed Ancestors – A Continuous Flow of Reverence

The unparalleled beauty of Sanatan Dharma lies in its holistic and integrated vision of life and beyond. There is no harsh demarcation, no impenetrable wall, between our duty to the living and our duty to the departed. They are all part of a continuous, sacred stream of existence, a divine flow of life, love, and blessings (anugraha). The Garuda Purana, as you noted, beautifully refers to one’s father as “an instructor in wholesome things and a visible deity (pratyaksha devata). [Garuda Purana] If our living father is a visible deity, then serving him, respecting him, and bringing him joy is a direct and potent form of worship. This profound reverence naturally and seamlessly extends to his father, and his father before him – our revered Pitrs.

The respect you show to your living grandmother is an offering of love that pleases not only her but also her mother and grandmother residing in the Pitru Loka. The selfless service you render to your aging father is like a sweet, melodious hymn that resonates through the entire ancestral line, bringing peace and joy to all. This is the profound interconnectedness, the spiritual symbiosis, that Pitrupaksha so powerfully reminds us of.

The Skanda Purana’s unambiguous statement, “the propitiation of parents is the greatest pious practice,” [Skanda Purana] is a powerful and central tenet. If we excel in this “greatest pious practice” towards our living parents and elders, showering them with love, respect, and care, then our offerings to the unseen Pitrs will undoubtedly be accepted with greater joy, alacrity, and efficacy. One cannot realistically hope to please the unseen divine or ancestral forces if one neglects, disrespects, or causes sorrow to the divine manifest in one’s own parents and living elders.

Conclusion: Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha – A Harmonious Festival of Reverence for All Forebears

Pitrupaksha is indeed a sacred and solemn time to remember, honor, and nourish our departed ancestors through prescribed rites and heartfelt devotion. But let us expand our understanding and embrace with equal fervor the equally vital duty of honoring, cherishing, and respecting our living elders during this period, and indeed, throughout our lives. To diligently practice Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha is not a separate or secondary duty; it is an integral, enriching, and empowering dimension of our ancestral worship.

When you serve your elders with a loving and sincere heart, when you listen to their invaluable wisdom with an open and receptive mind, when you prioritize their peace, comfort, and happiness, you are creating a powerful and fertile foundation of virtue upon which your ancestral offerings will stand tall, firm, and be most fruitful. The blessings that flow from a pleased and contented living elder are immediate, tangible, and potent, and they beautifully pave the way for the more subtle, yet equally profound, blessings of the Pitrs- Respecting elders during Pitrupaksha

|| हरि ॐ तत् सत् ||